Some movies are just gay

Well, I'm writing after nearly 3 years of lazing around so you bet this is something that really pricked my mind. Abu Dhabi is one of the centres where Schlumberger sends out its employees on training, well not Abu Dhabi per se, but somewhere in the middle of nowehere between Dubai and Abu Dhabi. I was booked on this training school, but due to non-availability of hotel space in Abu Dhabi (courtesy all the miserly managers choosing Abu Dhabi for cutting costs) we had the good fortune of attending the entire course organised in Dubai. We were six Indians in a class of 25, and now for someone who's been working in God-damn China for six months, you tend to interact with fellow Indians as if you have been proverbial underwear buddies, where in fact you'd have just met them. Here though, three of us were from IIT Madras and each of us knew the other from somewhere or the other. Soon enough, we were hanging out everyday going to beaches, playing volleyball, monkey-donkey abba dubbi. One night we decided to watch a movie. It was my genius idea to watch a Hindi movie since they are so creative and the songs in between really add meaning to the form of art. So we went down to the Mall of the Emirates, bought our tickets for Dostana, had a quick popcorn for dinner and waited. I was getting a little impatient for the movie to start while all these NRI ads were being shown on the screen.

Then finally, we heard the sound of helicopters, the camera flew in from the Gulf of Mexico into Miami, the crime scene. The movie starts off with this beachside scene, the camera moves over someone's leg up to the top. Six boys in the last seat of the theater were beginning to think this movie was really worth the wait, but the joy lasted precisely 2 seconds. When the camera moved up, we realised the person on camera was no hot babe but John Abraham. An old 50-50 biscuit ad comes to mind 'Kabhi sister...kabhi...brother. Na re na na 50-50'. The camera hovered around John Abraham's biceps and all for a while and then just when we were thinking we were being treated to one of KJ's own fantasies, dear Shilpa came to our rescue. To clarify, I am no chauvinist believing in objectivising women but starting the movie with the camera focussing on John Abraham with his underwear slightly low was slightly gay direction. It was the harbinger of mass torcher.

The start of the movie was fairly entertaining. The plot was also interesting with John and Abhishek posing to be gay in order to be able to rent an apartment. Some jokes like the one where Gabbar became gay were funny. So far so good. We were expecting the situtation to develop into a really hilarious one but there was only disappointment in store for us. The gay jokes were getting more and more monotonous. It seemed at one point that there were more gay characters in the movie than straight ones. First the guy at the immigration office was turned on by the gay couple registration. Then Boman Irani, Priyanka's boss showed gay colours. Come on, Boman Irani acting gay? Surely his talents can be utilized much better. At this point we already started feeling nauseous about the excessive gayness involved. Naib was already blabbering in his characteristic style "Kya chuuuutiuyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaps hai be?" with a constipated face. Teji paaji had the standard 'what the f***' look while Bouncer paaji, Anwar, Aditya and I were having a hearty laugh at their expressions and fretting about KJ's brilliant creativity. But KJ had more to offer. There was KJ's fantasy, an all gay party with John-Abhishek, the boss and the immigration official. It was getting slightly over to top. Naib and Teji paaji already decided they'd had enough. After all six guys were sitting and watching a gay movie. They stormed out for some fresh air. The rest of us though decided to continue watching for Priyanka Chopra's sake. Typical of guys, we were expecting the story would involve lots of hot 'sahelis' of Priyanka Chopra who'd keep dropping in and John and Abhishek would have to abstain. Now that would have been really cool (and chauvinistic :D). However, unfortunately, it was KJ's movie.

As we laboured on, we were treated to a few more gay scenes. Now even Anwar and I were getting slightly itchy and scratchy. Some paper cup lying on the ground and some fly sitting on the chair in front started to bother me. Suddenly my back was uncomfortable. Yada yada. But KJ was not done yet. If there was anything that could be termed a gay's dream scene I think this one had to be tops. To prove their friendship to Priyanka, John Abraham and Abhishek had to smooch in public. We were like 'WHAT THE'. All of us were extremely disgusted at this absolute waste of an evening. We decided we are never watching a KJ movie again. And yes we are broadminded and all that. But this was not an art film. This was merely a way for KJ to vent out his deep frustrations. I'm sure Farah Khan would've made the movie differently with a similar kind of plot. At least that is what all of us thought. All his favourite fantasies were clubbed into one gay reel. All in one. One for Karan.

The excerpt with "la tra la la"

I just figured out that many people were not able to make head or tail out of the "tra la la la" dialogue between C'le's brain and his speech. Let me clarify...C'le never thinks before he talks...
That part of the blog was just to chart out the level of incoherency in thought and action!!

Doesn't it make more sense now??!

Enjoy!

The British(Council) Bull Dog

Kya be?
Haan be
kyon be
Chabbe!
These four dialogues would completely cover this man's vocabulary.Meet C'le a.k.a Choot Le a.k.a Bull Dawg. This Bhopali born and brought up in Chennai is easily the most amusing character of the wing, so thought he deserves one post exclusively for him!

Has "Thegr" printed on his hostel jersey which I believe is the short form of "Theyagarajan"(He secretly wishes to be called by that name). Believes God whispered "You are stronger than Arnold Schwarzenegger" in his ears before sending him to the earth. Thinks he can overpower atleast 5 guys without help. We beg to differ.
If u're anywhere near his room, u wouldn't realise even if an aeroplane was taking off in front of u...reason? Volume of his Music System. Has a 1000W music system installed in his 8ft by 8ft room. Thinks listening to music on high volume is pseude.

Never concedes defeat in an argument...even if he's proven wrong, he'll stick to his stand no matter how silly it may seem! Hence making him the eternal punching bag especially for mess table arguments. Speaking of mess, I'm reminded of his room which is always full of grub. It is our only saviour in an otherwise abominable foodscape.

C'le's dialogues and conversations are always a touch above the ordinary. You could do a Humanities thesis on how each of his sentences could possibly make sense but you would return clueless. Being his supportive wingmates however, we tried to understand what could prompt such insensible dialogue delivery and came up with this:

C'le enters Mogee's room who already has a visitor-Buchi.

C'le: Kaun hai yeh?
Mogee: Abbe saale Buchi hai...3 saal tere saath reh chuka hai aur tu yeh pooch raha hai?
C'le: Kaun se branch mein hai?

All junta in his room give up by this time. Now lets go back and check whats going on in C'le's brain...
C'le's brain: La la la tra la la
C'le: Kaun hai yeh?
C'le's brain: Tra la la la la
C'le: Kaun se branch mein hai?

Ahh! Now we know the reason don't we!!

C'le also thinks he's the most handsome guy in the universe. Although his orkut friends list would suggest otherwise. He puts N hajjar fight for 2 chicks: 1 J***** and the other A**t*, but doesn't seem to get anywhere on this front either. Au contraire, he's now started exploring alternate avenues for his lewd fantasies: other people's girlfriends!!! His 1st attempt was on poor 100gm 's lady in Canada which somehow ended in C'le getting the coveted epithet "ASSHOLE" in return for his efforts from the lady. But shame is something which he simply does not know, so he goes back to 100gm and tells him " Abbe, meri fotu dekhke teri bandi ne terko ditch maar diya be!" Bechara 100gm! A similar attempt on Impo's girl inPakistan however proved futile...guys beware, the British Bull Dog is on the prowl, so hide the ladies in the closet!!

There's a lot more about this guy but I guess for now, this is enough!!!

HAIL BULLDAWG!!!

Sample Space==A3@Alak

A3 of Alak hostel is one of the most feisty wings in the campus I assure you.It is home to the finest specimens in the world. You will find in here the entire range-right from the 8(inch)'th wonder of the world to the guy who had watched only DD1 before comin to IIT! There is never a dull moment when u're in A3...u'd almost certainly hear the sound of gunshots from CS or the war siren from AOE. And this for 24(-3) hrs a day and 7 days a week. If gaming is a religion then this wing is GOD! Not only is time spent on gaming, but the post match discussions that follow seem to go on endlessly with one group blowing its own trumpet on how they "raped" their opposition and the other trying to make as many excuses as possible for not winning. The most entertaining gasconades however come from "TomBurr"; what with his little description followed by a swipe of his hand and then "Saaf kar diya". The undisputed GODS are however Attha(8 inch) and Kannu...who inspite of this fact always want to play on the same team. It is also sometimes heartening to see the braggings of C'le and Golum who probably win a game only once a semester but in the discussions that ensue, would try to impress that they were solely responsible for the victory! However, slowly but surely, AOE started losing its foothold in Alak and CS gained formidability. And with the start of the sixth sem, finally, program 'sense' seems to have been installed in the brains of the wing and gaming activity has significantly reduced.

But this no way means that the wing has become less vibrant or amusing, characters to same hain naaa?! On one side of the wing, there is Mogra-Kallu- the best example of "Do Shareer Ek Jaan". It is a nerve wrecking task to identify tasks that they DO NOT do together. If u ever have work with them, it'll suffice if u locate one, the other has to be somewhere around. Kallu- the TAM from Bby has his own chilled out, bindaas, easy paced way of doing things. His sexy "chaal" would put a supermodel to shame. Some wing members believe his real forte lies in training svelte ladies for doing the catwalk in a beauty pageant in the most sensuous (read raunchy)manner possible. His renowned gay partner Mogeee, ironically, happens to be this magnet who girls it seems cannot resist, certainly has the highest no. of girls on his Yahoo Messenger Chat list. He is also the typical Marwari...u can expect him to say in the mess"Let 4 of us share this extra da...2.75 rupees per person padega...tabhi worth it hoga" I'm sure every morning he wakes up and says to himself "This nap was worth 20 bucks yaar...nowadays 50 bucks waali neend aati hi nahi hai yaar, kya karoon?" [Wat say Impo?]
The person who is most pained by his Marwari characteristics would be Impo, a.k.a Impotent a.k.a Veerya. He is the one of the 4 member sutta group comprising C'le, Bulby, Drop and himself. To him "Marwari" is an expletive. If you ever end up having a converstaion with him and he gets frustrated somehow, u can expect the word 'Marwari' to pop out of his mouth anytime...Naaah...Methinks he just finds it easier to pull the legs of Marwaris, in particular Mogee..is his permanent nemesis...Talking of pulling legs, he has achieved a level of proficiency in this art. He can pain the shit out of any person any point of time any place...His ghastly countenance and eerie stare will drive u to ruminate why he wasn't chosen to be 'Mogambo' in Mr. India, Shekhar Kapur would have won an Oscar had this guy been born atleast in the 1960's!! Has the best collection of songs in the wing and the 2nd loudest volume. The highest volume however would be C'le's.

There's just one word for him "BullDawg". For more abt Bull dawg, you'll have to wait for my next post!!!!